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As many of you know, I am a counselor at a substance abuse clinic. As a counselor, the number one complaint I get is “my spouse/significant other and I just can’t get along anymore”. Many of my clients have used with their significant other. Now that they are working on recovering from addiction, they don’t know what to do to strengthen their relationship with their partner. Whenever my client shares this complaint, there is one resource I go to. It is the best resource for marriage and family therapy. I want share it with all of you so read on to find out more!
The Best Resource for Marriage and Family Therapy
When I am working either with an individual client or a couple, if they want to strengthen their relationship there is one place I will start. The first place I turn to is Gary Chapman’s book “The 5 Love Languages“.
I had always heard of this book from other people. I had taken the free love language quiz online at the recommendation of a friend (to take this quiz yourself, click here). The results of the quiz appeared to be very accurate. With what I heard from others and the results of the quiz, it appeared as though the book would be a great resource.
The Blessing
One day, I was at a local thrift store with my sister (we love thrifting, who doesn’t?). I found a gently used copy of “The 5 Love Languages” for just 10 cents. Yes, you read that right 10 cents for this amazing book! I took it home and began to read it right away.
Mr. Chapman does a great job of taking the time to explain why it is important to learn what your spouse’s love language is. He gives the characteristics of each love language, and examples of how to speak your spouses love language. Even though I’m currently single, I have learned to recognize the love languages of my friends and family. I strive to show them my affection in their love language. This book has made a difference in the way that I interact with family and friends. If you’re reading this and single, I recommend this book for you too!
Suggestion for How to Utilize the Resource
I have used this book with several clients. First, I explain to them what this book is and why I recommend it. If they want to utilize it in therapy, I make them a copy of the quiz to take home and complete with their spouse (I give them a copy to do for their self and one for them to give to their spouse).
Within a week to two weeks, I bring the couple in to discuss the quiz and their results. My clients, their spouse/significant other and I then “brainstorm” together. I will write down what their love language is and some ways that their significant other can express their love to them in their language. My clients usually commit to expressing love to their spouse in 3 different ways for 2 weeks.
Without fail, my patient’s come in at the end of the two week period bragging about the difference in their marriage. My patient’s state that they are spending more time together. They are also communicating with each other more often and more effectively. They state that they are feeling more love than they have felt in a long time. Within a two month period, most of my client’s request to have the goal of working on their relationship with their spouse/significant other marked as completed and removed from their treatment plan.
Conclusion
This book is not a “cure all” or a “quick fix” for relationships or marriage but it is definitely a resource that helps make it easier to work on your relationships. Marriage and relationships with others are not easy. There is a lot of give and take and it takes a lot of work but it is possible. Commit to it, learn your love language and that of the one closest to you. Then, strive to show affection to your spouse/significant other/friend in the way that they will understand the best. If there is one resource you need, it is Gary Chapman’s “The 5 Love Languages”. I firmly believe that it is the number one best resource for marriage and family therapy.
Enjoy discovering new books? Be sure to check out my review of “Victory Over Affliction: 30 Days of Mindset Challenges” and “The Leaning Place: The Lord’s Prayer as a Place to Lean in the Messy Art of Learning Love”.
I’ve heard some great things about this resources. However, it never even occurred to me to use it for marriage and family counselling. I can’t believe you got it for ten cents – that’s amazing!!